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timewhisperer, talk to me
tell me the secrets that lie within
I've lost three grandparents in the past 7 months. Life can feel so unfair at times.

Todd's Grandmother (aka Grammy to the family) died in her sleep last night. Atleast she didn't have an extended illness like MomMom (my grandmother who died on Halloween). Grammy was 94 and really was a wonderful woman. She had a deep Christian faith and a very old-fashioned way of living that I admired.

Todd's upset but not really admitting it. I called out for tonight and tomorrow so I could be by his side- where I belong.

I fucked up calling up- either my boss thinks I'm lying or I'm crazy with grief. (I actually said, "Is it okay?"). It was a weird conversation and I was stupid and silly on the phone. I'll probably bring in a prayer card from the funeral just to make sure she knows that I wasn't fibbing. Maybe I'm just paranoid...

Anyway, writing is on hold for a few days. Right now, it's about remembering and grieving.

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We borrowed the money to put the deposit on that apartment. We should know soon if they accept our application or not. Positive vibes/thoughts/prayers appreciated. 

Things to Do Today

- Clean kitchen and try to kill all the fruit flies who have taken residence in there since my in-laws were here. 
- Finish laundry
- Clean up bathrooms
- Stop obsessing and getting upset over the fact that the boss scheduled you for 5 days this week- it finals week and the kids couldn't put in their regular hours. 
- Tell said-boss nicely that 3-4 days a week is what you need. 5 days kills you and depletes all energy.
- Eat better!!!!!!
- Catch up on all writing
- Lay down with heating pad and try to relax.

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Current Location: Home
Feeling like : crappy bad attitude!
Current Music: Bob the Builder

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It's depressing enough that I'm even looking for an apartment.

But to go look at some of these places, makes me want to throw my hands up in frustration.

It bothers me to no end how some of these places even ask for what they are asking for. Over 1000 bucks a month for 1300 square feet of circa 1970 decor? What drugs are they on?

I know they need to make a profit but really, if you are going to ask for that much- atleast do some cosmetic upgrades to the apartment.

But it didn't end badly.

I don't want to get my hopes up too high but I found a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment for 900 a month. Only trouble is, I don't know if we'll pass the 'credit check'. They don't go by credit scores or anything like that. They go by some other standard which I don't really understand. So I guess we'll see.

If it's meant to be, I suppose we'll get in. If not, shag carpet might be in our future..LOL

Current Location: Home
Feeling like : hopeful hopeful
Current Music: A/C running

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Bah. I don't even know if I want to even face it tonight. Please, God, let it be an easy night. Please.

The house is still rather messy. I'm so tired today(I swear the mere thought of work exhausts me..LOL) that I didn't get much done.

Tomorrow, I'm going out to look at apartments. I really thought there was a good chance of buying a house this year but it's not going to happen. It's probably for the best since Todd's job is up in the air now. Yeah, I'll just keep telling myself that.

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Current Location: Home
Feeling like : drained drained
Current Music: Nick Toons

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-I worked for 5 days in a row and it sucked majorly. Sunday had to be -the- single worse work day yet and honestly, it almost broke my spirit to continue on. It's a good thing for me (and for my employer) that I only work Wednesday this week.

-Todd's work is in even more dire straits. In my spare time this week, I'll be updating his resume and start applying for potential jobs online. I don't even want to begin to consider the fact that we might have to go down to my lowly part-time paycheck.

-The house is a mess. It hasn't been properly cleaned since I left for vacation.

-My writing has come to almost a halt at this point. (Note: I'm not complaining about my writing partners here... just pointing out another thing that is not going well right now).

-I really need to start writing here more.


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Current Location: home, thank GOD
Feeling like : tired so freaking tired

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Holy Shmoly, I'm back at home.

Could it have gone that bloody fast? Of course it did.

I saw things that I might not ever see again. The incredible beauty of that region of the world makes you breathless.

And cruise ships are quite amazing too.

One of the best parts though are the inside jokes that my little sister and I will always share. Like about our waiters, Costinel and Aundray. Or drinking with my mom which was weird and fun all at the same time.

There wasn't much discussion about serious subjects. I guess that was a good thing though.

After my mom and sister left today, it brought up all sorts of feelings of wanting to move back to Pennsylvania. Of course, that happens everytime I see them. And then the reality sets in that it would be very difficult and expensive to move back. I don't know.

Silly highlight of the cruise: I won a trophy for winning the tv show theme song trivia game.

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Current Location: In the real world
Feeling like : contemplative contemplative

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The anticipation is killing me. Seriously, the waiting is the worst part. That and, of course, the fact that my up-coming vacation will go way too damn fast. 

Charlotte is having a sleep-over tonight. Fortunately, her friend is a sweetheart and the two of them have been holed up in Char's room since 7:30. Kinda makes me miss sleep-overs. I used to love escaping my life and staying over whatever friend's I could. 

We actually went to the pool this afternoon. I didn't go in but the kids played while I layed out and enjoyed the fantastic April weather. Low 80s and no humidity. I wish it was like this all year round. 

Let's see... nothing else is really going on. I'm seriously thinking about going to bed despite is being only 10:45. 


Current Location: Home
Feeling like : exhausted exhausted
Current Music: Silence with the background noise of two giggling girls

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So, I got like 4 hours of sleep last night. I'm going to need to take a nap this afternoon if I'm going to make it through work tonight.

Mom sent a beautiful Vera Bradley bag for me to use on the cruise; I just got it this morning.  Isn't it pretty??? 

The kids are home all week for their spring break. It's kinda nice that I get to spend so much time with them before leaving. Let's hope they don't drive me too crazy...LOL

Current Location: Home but headed to the used bookstore
Feeling like : cheerful cheerful
Current Music: Rhianne-SOS

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I can't sleep.

I'm excited about the cruise. I'm nervous about it too.

I also have that dreaded "If I don't go to sleep soon, I'm going to be too tired tomorrow" phrase going through my mind.

Feeling like : tired tired

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So I was at the food store yesterday and saw this headline on one of the women's magazines: "What your bedroom says about your marriage"

Oh dear. I'm in dire trouble if our bedroom is any indication of the health of our marriage. 

Seriously, it's a mess. It's the one room in the house, I really don't put effort into. I've never been good at putting away my laundry. Or keeping my makeup straightened up. Or putting things away. Ask my mom, she will tell you that my bedroom growing up was obnoxiously messy. 

Here's the kicker. When I leave to go on the cruise in a week, my in-laws will be sleeping in my bedroom amongst all of our personal stuff. I'm going to have to remember to put away things like our 'edible' lotion that has been sitting unused on our headboard for two years. Or the warming KY. Or the other various 'adult' things that normal married people end up getting over years of marriage. It's just icky to think of them in our room, in our bed...lol

It's going to be a huge project. I'm going to have to suck it up and do it soon. Very soon. 

Speaking of the cruise:

After an hour conference call between my mom, sister and me- we decided on the excursions we want to try and do at the ports. 

Belize: Private Island Beach that has a bar, restaurant, and water activities like kayaking. 
Grand Cayman: Swim with the manta rays, see the sea turtle hatchery and the beach (it's all one excursion apparently)
Cozumel: Submarine then into town to shop
Costa Maya: Snorkeling (but this will depend on finances. We may give this one up)

It's been so cool planning this trip. I can't imagine not having fun on it. Ashley, my sister, is 16 now so things will be less kid-friendly and more adult.

Other news:

Off to work tonight. Hopefully next week's schedule isn't too unbearable. 

Jill Carroll got released today which is fantastic news.

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Current Location: Home
Feeling like : excited excited
Current Music: Chopin- Piano

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